Childhood development is shaped far more by lived experiences, emotions, and relationships than by the things children own.
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When I think about my childhood, I remember laughter.
I remember sitting on the floor, playing cards and board games with my parents and my sister. I remember a dark room and the feeling of gentle, deep safety in my father’s arms as he rocked me and sang me a lullaby. I remember play-fighting with my dad. I remember how he often carried me on his shoulders while I covered his eyes with my skirt, laughing as he pretended he couldn’t see where he was going. I remember my mother’s wide smile as she watched my sister and me sit – each of us on one of my father’s legs – laughing while he walked and lifted us into the air with every step.
I remember the tears in my parents’ eyes the first time they listened to me sing at a school performance. I remember so many things—so many that they could never all fit on this page.
I don’t remember what I got for my birthday each year.
I don’t remember the year I got my bicycle.
But I clearly remember my mom and dad running beside me, cheering me on, telling me I just needed a little more practice before I could ride on my own.
And as I think about my childhood, I realize something important:
I remember moments colored with joy, laughter, and sometimes tears.
I remember emotions.
I don’t remember things.
Then I think about the childhood of today’s children.
Staring at screens for hours. No more play with friends, parents, brothers, or sisters. Everything is counted – who got what, who has more. Experiences are collected in virtual worlds. There, children run and jump with their minds, while their bodies stay still in the same place for hours.
At school, we observe generations of children who experience real friendship less and less. Friendships often last only as long as there is some interest involved. They don’t know boredom. They don’t know how to make something out of nothing – how to build forts, little houses, dolls, or toy cars from whatever is at hand. And although they know far more information than we ever did, many cannot tie their shoes, dress themselves, or manage independently. Parents walk them all the way to the school entrance out of fear they might get lost.
In preschools, teachers are sometimes not allowed to take children outside because parents complain if clothes get dirty. We don’t allow children to solve their own problems – instead, parents argue among themselves about whose child is right.
I don’t want to lecture about “how good it was in the past.” There were problems, fears, and conflicts then, too. But life was lived – actively, with both body and spirit.
How can children truly get to know life if they do not live it, if they experience it mainly through screens, if emotions and responsibility toward the world around them are not activated?
I often think of the question How the Grinch Stole Christmas, and I find myself asking:
How did we steal childhood from our children?
Where did the short circuit happen?
While we once could hardly wait for our parents to let us go outside and play with friends until nightfall, today this doesn’t even cross the minds of many parents – or children. The world feels dangerous. Someone might kidnap them. Playgrounds are fenced in. So we have decided that children are safest at home. When we talk about childhood development today, we cannot ignore the impact of screens on children’s emotional, social, and physical growth.
And there, out of boredom, they stare at screens – exposed to things far more dangerous than what waits outside. Parents live in the illusion that their children are protected because they are sitting in their rooms and “nothing can happen to them.” Meanwhile, they are exposed to scenes of violence, sexualized content, and images of perfect faces and bodies that create deep insecurity about their appearance, intelligence, and worth.
I do not idealize the past. There were problems, fears, and injustices then as well. But one thing is certain: childhood was lived through movement and experience – not through a screen.
Maybe we cannot bring back the childhood we once had, because the world and circumstances have changed dramatically. But we can ask ourselves: what are we willing to change so our children can experience at least part of it?
Are we willing to invest more of ourselves?
Are we willing to become “openers” and “collectors” of our children’s emotions?
Are we willing to let play, laughter, trust, and love for nature and the world return to our families and friendships?
5 Ways to Help Your Child Grow Up Happy and Healthy:
1. Play with your children—without screens
Through role play (with dolls, stuffed animals, and pretend games), children often express their worries, doubts, joys, and fears. Through play, they learn to express themselves verbally, show emotions, and understand how to behave in different situations. By playing board games, they learn to respect rules, consider others, enjoy winning, and accept losing—not with anger, but as motivation to do better next time.
And most importantly: during play, they have you fully to themselves. That is priceless.
2. Encourage time with other children
Make an effort to ensure your children spend plenty of time in direct communication with other children. Let siblings play together as much as possible. This strengthens their bond – young children learn from older ones, and older children learn responsibility. Take them to the park or invite friends with children of similar ages. Step back – sit on a bench or move to another room. Allow children to find their own way in social situations.
They will learn to share, respect rules, respect others’ opinions, express their own views, and stand up for themselves. Do not interfere in children’s conflicts unless safety is at risk.
3. Replace screens with real-life experiences
Do not allow children to learn about life through screens. They need real running, real movement – this develops both mind and body. An avatar running on a screen cannot replace that. Place children in real situations from an early age, because life itself is real. The experiences and emotions these moments create will stay with them – and one day, they will pass them on to their own children.
4. Tell stories. Read stories.
This is an extremely important element that many parents skip. When I ask children at school who reads or tells them stories at night, the answer is often: “No one.” Only one or two hands go up – and those children usually say their grandparents tell them stories.
Parents seem to have forgotten the power of stories. I prepared my own children for many life situations through stories. For example, if my child needed to go to the dentist, I would tell a story about a little girl or boy who went to the dentist and experienced everything my child would face. Stories can be adapted to the situations your child is dealing with at each stage of life.
Buy your child a picture book instead of sweets. They will develop a love for books, learning, and discovery. Their vocabulary will grow, and their brain develops far more through listening to and reading stories.
5. Set limits on screen time
Believe it or not, children often cooperate better when clear boundaries are set. Screens are unavoidable today, but it is important to understand that they can cause developmental difficulties – especially for children under the age of 12. A helpful guideline is to balance screen time with play: for every 30 minutes of screen time, offer at least one hour of quality play – outdoor activities, biking, drawing, building, pretend play, board games with friends or family, or reading and writing.
So ask yourself:
What will your child remember – the latest gaming console, or camping with you, fishing, searching for anthills, watching birds?
Childhood is made of kisses, hugs, a sense of belonging and safety, and unshakable trust in parents and their love.
That is the recipe for a happy childhood and healthy growth.
Remember:
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